There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
