I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
