You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
