Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
im six kinds of drunk right now
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
