Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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