Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
