Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
