just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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