i jhust puked up my retainher.
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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