I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
