And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
