how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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