is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
