The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
