So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
