I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
