did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
