I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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