I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
