at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
