I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
