gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
