lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
