Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
