I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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