pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
