watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
