You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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