I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
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