I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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