I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
