Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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