Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
