You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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