I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
