I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
