just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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