if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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