If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
