Sponge bath it is.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
