that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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