For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
