i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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