If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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