If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
