I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Randomize
