Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
