You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
