He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
