he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Randomize
